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City Buses Travel Slower Than Chickens Walking

We mostly just wanted to do this post so we could Photoshop this image. Photo-illustration: Everett Bogue; Photos: Getty Images, istockphoto Everyone who takes the bus in New York City knows that you have to have something to read, or a video game to play, in order to not go insane. Not because the people around you are crazy, or because it's too crowded, or anything like that. It's...

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When Will Barack Obama Come Clean About His Comic-Book Collection?

Photo: Photo-illustration: Everett Bogue; Photos: Getty Images The Telegraph yesterday published a list of " Fifty Facts You Might Not Know About Barack Obama ," and our friends at Publishers Weekly 's Beat blog are wondering about one list item in particular: "He collects Spider-Man and Conan the Barbarian comics." Why did this never come up during the campaign? Is he hiding his comic...

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Sarah Palin’s Goin’ to Miami

Sarah at Versace's house. Photo-illustration: Everett Bogue; Photos: Getty Images Republican governors have planned a little get-together to reflect on the recent election and how it went oh so horribly wrong for them. Naturally, they chose to convene in Miami, the city that heals broken hearts faster than tequila shots and male models. Sarah Palin will deliver a speech called "Looking...

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Nicole Kidman to Reassign Sexuality

Photo-illustration: Everett Bogue; Photo: Getty Images In a transparent bid to out-macho her Australia co-star, Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman has reportedly signed on to play the world's first post-operative transsexual. Along with Charlize Theron, Kidman will star in The Danish Girl , the true story of Danish artists Einar and Greta Wegener whose marriage was rocked in the thirties when...

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Imaginary Eavesdropping on George Bush and Barack Obama

Photo-illustration: Everett Bogue; Photos: Getty Images At 2 p.m., George and Laura Bush will historically greet Barack and Michelle Obama and welcome them into the White House. We imagine how that will go down, away from the microphones… [ Barack and Michelle Obama approach the South Portico of the White House nervously. Standing there, before a bastion of photographers, are George...

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Stressed-Out Baz Luhrmann Agrees to New Ending for ‘Australia’

Photo-illustration: Everett Bogue, Fox When last we checked in on poor Baz Luhrmann, he was still frantically trying to edit his $130 million WWII epic Australia down into a concise 170 minutes to make the film's rapidly advancing release date ("It's a little like landing a jumbo jet on an aircraft carrier in a storm," he said last week). Now, according to reports, he's bowed to studio...

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Exclusive: We’ve Seen Steve Carell’s ‘Beaver’ Screenplay

Maybe it'll look like this! Photo-illustration: Photo-illustration: Everett Bogue; Photos: Getty Images, istockphoto Are you ready to watch Steve Carell spend an entire movie with a beaver puppet on his hand? Over the weekend, pretty much every development executive in Hollywood brought home the same screenplay: a spec script called The Beaver by a neophyte screenwriter named Kyle...

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Essential Bolaño: The Five Most Unskippable Passages in ‘2666’

Photo: Everett Bogue 2666 is indisputably a masterpiece — but the kind of masterpiece, unfortunately, that will probably end up buried and unread under everyone’s old piles of New Yorker s. It’s intimidatingly long, its first section is off-putting, and there are uneven patches throughout (Bolaño was still revising when he died). Giving up on it, however, would be a shame. Since Bolaño’s...

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Roberto Bolaño’s Five-Page Sentence: Read it Here First!

Photo: Everett Bogue One of our very favorite Bolaño moves — right up there with his knack for spinning crazy metaphors (“The sky, at sunset, looked like a carnivorous flower”) and casually tossing off life wisdom suitable for crocheting on pillows ("Isn’t reality an insatiable AIDS-riddled whore?") — is his penchant for writing ridiculously long sentences. Most style guides recommend...

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Recession Specials: Your Definitive Guide

It doesn't have to be like this. Photo-illustration: Everett Bogue; Photo: Getty Images You've heard it a dozen times: Times are tough, we're hurtling toward (or already in) a recession, everyone's feeling the pinch, etc. If there's a bright side, it's that New York's restaurateurs feel our pain (or are in it themselves) — but they want to keep feeding us, and we want to keep eating...

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Predicted: Every Week of the Jets and Giants Seasons

Photo-illustration: Everett Bogue; Getty Images, istockphoto For the first time since 2004, both New York professional football teams are above .500 at the season's midpoint. (In '04, the Jets lost in the divisional round to the Steelers, and the Giants lost eight in a row in the first season of Tom Coughlin’s reign.) In fact, both teams are in first place, though the Jets are tied with...

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‘Australia’: Still Not Done!

Photo-illustration: Everett Bogue; Image Courtesy of Fox Last week, the lack of pre-release marketing for Milk caused some to wonder if the film might secretly be a stinker (apparently it's not ). But what of the other unadvertised swashbuckling Oscar contender coming out on the very same day (November 26), Baz Luhrmann's Australia ? Hilariously, it's not even done yet! Over the weekend,...

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How James Bond Nearly Became a Father

Photo: Photo-illustration: Everett Bogue; Photos: Getty Images, Courtesy of MGM Director Marc Forster tells New York he had surprisingly few disagreements with the Bond proprietors (see our profile here ). "For instance, my concern was the product placement. And they said, 'We have contracts that say they should be in the background — we don't have to shoot a closeup.'" But he did reveal...

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A Vulture Plea

Photo-illustration: Everett Bogue; Photos: Getty Images If anyone happens to find himself at a Halloween party this evening, and Diddy walks in wearing his Pope costume — please send us pictures! Thank you.

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Critics Agree: ‘Zach and Miri’ Money Shot Is Gross!

Photo-illustration: Everett Bogue, the Weinstein Company When the MPAA slapped Zack and Miri Make a Porno with an NC-17, it was largely due to one scene, which Kevin Smith affectionately refers to as "The Offensive Bodily Fluids Shot." To talk the MPAA down from an NC-17 to an R, Smith told us he made a clip-reel of similar offensive-fluids shots in other R-rated films, including the...